Light culture

Improbable Research - the people behind the Ig Noble Awards, have posted a light opera that La Lobster thinks ought to get wider exposure. Have fun recreating "Redundancy, Again" yourself:

Libretto: “Redundancy, Again”

A mini-opera in three acts Music by Stephen Foster, Charles B. Ward and Samuel A. WardWords by Marc Abrahams
Original Cast Opera Conductor: David StocktonPianist: Branden GrimmettTweedle: Maria FerranteDee: Ben Sears Guards: Roberta Gilbert and Robert Canterbury Employees: the other scientists and other Ig Nobel Prize winners Consultants: Nobel Laureate William Lipscomb, Benoit Mandelbrot (creator of the concept of fractals) Flutist: Laura Hamel Accordianist: Thomas Michel The Ig Fife and Drum and Drum and Bugle and Bugle and Bugle and Accordion Corps Costumes by Robert Canterbury.

ACT 1—”Keep it simple just in time”
NARRATOR [SPOKEN]: Tonight’s opera is about two business partners—identical twins named Tweedle and Dee. Not that it matters, but Tweedle and Dee sell trimming equipment to hedge funds. To survive in the global economy, Tweedle and Dee want to be as efficient as possible. So to be as efficient as possible—to maximize efficiency, and do it efficiently—they decide to... eliminate redundancy! They are going to fire everyone whose job in anyway overlaps anyone else’s job. Let’s join Tweedle and Dee as they celebrate this by announcing it to everybody in their company:
[MUSIC: “I Dream of Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair,” Stephen Foster][TWEEDLE and DEE sing this, alternating verses]
Just keep it simple. Simply take our advice.No duplication. Never do things twice.Yes, keep it simple. Simply take our advice.Do not duplicate. No, do not do things twice.
Two times is too many, and three is even worse.Fortune favors those who don’t needlessly rehearse.Just once. Just once is all that you’ll ever need.Once you understand that, you’re at-least-twice-as-likely-to-succeed.
[NOTE THE INTENTIONAL AWKWARD-EXTRA-SYLLABLES-AT-THE-END!]
But wait!!! Do nothing if it’s not just-in-time.“Wait—[BE SILENT FOR A BEAT]—then hurry!” That’s our paradigm!Yes, wait!!! Do nothing if it’s not just-in-time.“Wait—[BE SILENT FOR A BEAT]—then hurry!” Yes, that’s our paradigm!
When you do things early, you then have time to waste.That’s why you should wait—[BE SILENT FOR A BEAT]—then do those things in haste.Please be efficient. That is what you must be.If you are efficient, you have efficiency.
Become efficient: Don’t waste time watching clocks.Old ways are wasteful. Don’t be orthodox.Consult a clock, but never just on a hunch. [LOOKS AT WATCH, AND PERKS UP]Oh now, look at that!!! Hey, it’s time now for lunch!!!
So much of the time, any clock is just a frill.Simply voyeurism, a momentary thrill.The time one spends in staring down at one’s watchIs no more productive than the-time-spent-looking-at-one’s-crotch.
[NOTE THE INTENTIONAL AWKWARD-EXTRA-SYLLABLES-AT-THE-END!]
Avoid redundancy. No need to repeat.Say what needs saying. Keep it short and sweet.Avoid redundancy. No need to repeat.Just say what you must. Keep it short. Keep it sweet.
Never be redundant. Do not redundant be!No, don’t be redundant! No! No redundancy!Don’t be redundant. Promise me!!! Promise me!!!No, don’t be redundant! No! Never be redundant!
[NOTE THE INTENTIONAL AWKWARD-EXTRA-SYLLABLE--AND INTENTIONAL-LACK-OF-RHYME-AT-THE-END!]

ACT 2—”Redundancy”
NARRATOR [SPOKEN]: When last we saw Tweedle and Dee, they fired everyone who was redundant. (Please note that to anyone who speaks British English, that statement is itself redundant. If you’re not British, you may disagree. Whatever...) Now it’s a month later. A minor problem keeps cropping up. Now whenever even one employee quits, the entire operation grinds to a halt—because no one knows anyone else’s job. Let’s join Tweedle and Dee as try to solve this vexatious problem.
[MUSIC: “The Band Played On,” by Charles B. Ward][TWEEDLE and DEE sing this, alternating verses]
On Monday our receptionistResigned. He lives alone.Now nobody knows how to work the phone.On Tuesday our top techieTook a trip to watch a whale.Now none of us can access our email.The next day Dave the doormanDrove down to see the shore.Now no one knows how to unlock the door.Whenever someone quits, or just stays home to weep and sob,We’re stuck ’cause no one knows each other’s job.
Soooo, mayyyyy-beeee...
[CHORUS]Here’s what we needIf we are to succeed—It’s redundancy!Things would work out swellIf all our personnelHad redundancy.Duplication feels clannish,But when someone vanish--es, just that ONE person’s not there!That’s better—NOT worse’n—An absence of person.Redundancy!
Soooo... youuuu... meeeean...
[CHORUS]Each of us blowsThrough a two-sided nose.That’s redundancy.Most medical probesProve our brains have two lobes.That’s redundancy.And if I should propose that *I KNOW* what *YOU KNOW*,And if you made me *SHOW* that I know...Well, then we’d *BOTH* know that *I* know what *YOU* know.That’s redundancy.
Thaaaat’s... suuuu-btllllle...
[REPEAT THE CHORUS TOGETHER, AND FASTER]

ACT 3—”Redundancy, Again”
NARRATOR [SPOKEN]: Tweedle and Dee hired two sets of consultants. One set of consultants recommended that the company be very sure to have, yes, redundancy again. The second set of consultants recommended the same thing. Let’s join Tweedle and Dee and all the consultants—played here by the Nobel Laureates—as they celebrate their brilliant work, again and again. Yes, let’s join Tweedle and Dee and all the consultants—played here by the Nobel Laureates—as they celebrate their brilliant work, again and again.
[MUSIC: “America the Beautiful” by Samuel A. Ward][TWEEDLE and DEE sing this, alternating verses]
Contingencies! Contingencies!I planned out each detail.Anticipate--ed, calculate-ed so it could not fail.
[CHORUS]Efficiency! Efficiency!I always would demandThat ev’ry dayIn ev’ry wayThings always go as planned.
Inexplicably! Inexplicably!We had some little hitch.Some bottleneckSome iperfec--shun. Oh, some tiny glitch...
[CHORUS]Catastrophe! Catastrophe!Despite a wonderful-amazing-brilliant start,[NOTE THE INTENTIONAL AWKWARD-EXTRA-SYLLABLES]Some little dingDoomed everything.The whole thing fell apart.
Capriciousness! Capriciousness!That’s how the whole world works!You can’t coerceThe universe.It’s got its little quirks.
[CHORUS]Redundancy! Redundancy!This word you may perchanceHave learned in school,Or ’cause you’re cool,Or just by happenstance.
Redundancy! Redundancy!Redundancy’s our friend.Those extra bitsHave benefitsUpon which we depend.
[CHORUS]Redundancy! Redundancy!Redundancy again!Don’t count on luck,Or you’ll get stuck!Redundancy again!
TWEEDLE or DEE: [SPOKEN] One more time!
[CHORUS]Redundancy! Redundancy!Redundancy again!Don’t count on luck,Or you’ll get stuck!Redundancy again!
TWEEDLE or DEE: [SPOKEN] No more times!
DEE or TWEEDLE: [SPOKEN] No more times!