Coaching qualifications?

According to certain sources, there are only four accrediting bodies for 'coaching' and all of them are self appointed. So what exactly are potential clients to make of that. What does a coach signify when they post their subscription details as qualifying them as an 'expert' coach? Surely snake oil is still snake oil if the accrediting body for snake oil providers is founded and run by snake oil providers? One coaching body lists a rather dubious list of qualities - some overt and others covert. Nah, not convinced. What I'd want to be certain of is the outcome of consulting one such expert. Guarantees that the coach is going to 'listen' to me and maybe 'ask questions' just doesn't quite cut it with me.